This story is an episode of The Gents and I. Find the rest of the stories on this Medium publication.

The Monsters

Story #1 from The Gents And I.

Outside, it was a sunny weekday.
Yet I was indoor, heading to my favorite place: the office’s gents.

Upon entering this rather clean location, I witnessed them.

The monsters.

Standing tall and straight, they were casually holding it. The look fixed on another it, they displayed no apparent fear of being in a place where one is supposed to feel vulnerable.

I neared them.

They were indeed using their two hands for two different tasks — as if handling a single chore in this situation was not stressful enough.

I named them monsters because … what would be more appropriate to qualify gents who handle their sprinkler with one hand, and scroll their phone with the other one?

Monsters!

Oh no. No, no, no, no!
Don’t you dare asking me why such a name.
Don’t force me to remind you how stressful it is to—

Ok, you seem to have forgotten it all.

All that you have to accomplish in there, so that when “business” is done, you can leave this gloomy place while keeping your head high.

Let me remind you.
As a non-freaky, honourable, and sane person, you — of course — have to:

• focus on making sure you don’t sprinkle your neighbor(s)
• ensure you’re not watering yourself
• be careful about not flooding the ground
• handle the stress of being peeked at by your neighbor
• resist the temptation to peek at your neighbor
• contain your fear of not knowing which toilet the newcomer will choose
• keep the spray running so no one realizes you were here … for longer than needs be.

You got it now?

As estimable people, you and I uphold these seven principles at all times.

You... do, right? Good.

So you also agree that adding a single thought, even as mundane as “What will I eat for lunch?”, would blast any remaining bit of sanity we have in this particularly intimate moment.

Isn’t it?

So imagine scrolling a phone.
I repeat, imagine scrolling A PHONE! It’s over the top! It’s —

No, you don’t fully get it.

Scrolling a phone at this moment means that you have:

• less control over sprinkling on your neighbor, or yourself, or the floor!
• one less hand to protect yourself from being peeked at
• and …

And that’s already plenty of drawbacks!

So when I saw these monsters standing, scrolling, not being bothered by any single event unfolding around them, I surrendered.

Instead of joining them, I turned right, entered the sitting toilet space, slammed the door, sat firmly, and smiled in absolute relief.

Ahhh!

Gents can be so stressful sometimes.

So remember to close the door to any opportunity to feel threaten and also: choose to sit.

You’ll thank yourself.

Oh, did I check the seat? I remember that last time I found … Hmm, let’s keep this gloomy story for another sunny day.

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