Why I Don't Say Ex Nor Exes

These people deserve an extra mile, I believe.

There is a moment where with anyone — coworkers, friends or family members —, we come to discuss about major areas of life.

Such as, romantic relationships.

At first, this may not seem to make quite much of a difference, but still, this not-quite-much-of-a-difference is a nuance I never hear in people sayings.

While discussing about this matter, there is one tiny detail in what I say that people may have noticed after a while:

I never use the term: “Ex”, or “Exes”.

Instead, when I need to designate a person I was in relationship with, I simply use these exact same words. Thus, “a person I was in relationship with”. You heard it right, I use this lengthy phrase instead of a single word.

And I am proud of it.

At first, this may not seem to make quite much of a difference, but still, this not-quite-much-of-a-difference is a nuance I never hear in people sayings. Maybe, just maybe, it means that there is one in the end.

But... how much of a difference does it really make to me?

To fully understand the value that, I believe, hides behind this extra mile, let’s put everything in context.

Imagine that “Juliette” is a person with whom I had a romantic relationship. Also imagine that I’m asked if I ever happened to be that close to her.

Most folks would probably reply: “Yes, Juliette is my ex.”
Or, “Yes, she’s one of my exes.”

That’s common.

In my case, what I would have answered would read along:
“Yes, Juliette is a person with whom I had a relationship.”

Or it could have been:
“Absolutely, Juliette is a person I had a (romantic) relationship with.”
Or else, to sometimes vary:
“Yes, I used to be in couple with Juliette.”

Plus, I would generally end my sentence by punctuating it with an affectionate but smirking smile as a present for my then slightly puzzled interlocutor.

Ex.
A single word, a label?

Person with whom I had a relationship.
A full-fledged sentence, conveying meaning in its pristine form?

To me, (caring about) using a meaningful description when attempting to accurately depict something or someone you have respect for is required in order to preserve most of the substance that attaches you to what or who you are describing. __

It sort of show the remaining touch of affection and consideration you still have for the unique touch of attention these people may have brought into your life.

Yes, labels simplify many things.

When it comes to explaining anything, using labels definitely makes our message shorter and simpler. (And it’s only up to us to choose to label things or not). However, this generally also weakens or degrades the original meaning or wholeness of our initial thought.

Yes, labels (or generalizations) are much more convenient (if not needed in certain cases) to ease comprehension or deliver a complex message in faster and reasonable times.

To avoid being unbearably lengthy.

However, the act of referring to a person is way shorter than the act of teaching a concept. That’s why I believe that making an extra mile here is absolutely worthwhile — of time and meaning.

It sort of show the remaining touch of affection and consideration you still have for the unique touch of attention these people may have brought into your life.

They could have contributed to profoundly shape the current you that you’re proud of, you may have shared privileged time with them, or reveal things only them know —and potentially still do to this day.

This is why using this single word is a big no to me when I know I’ll have to mention a person I used to love romantically — and still does, but differently.

This is why I take the time and effort to go an extra mile instead of using a one-size-fits-all blank label that may render simplistic the person I refer to, or the relationship we had together.

Still, I find it okay to say “yes” (or rather, nod) when someone asks me:
“Is X your ex?”

As I’m not the one pronouncing the simplistic word, I wouldn't rephrase the whole question so that it sounds more appealing.

I let it go.

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